Veronica Partridge

The Heartache of Miscarriage

If you follow me on social media, then this comes as no surprise to you. However, if you do not, a few weeks back, my husband Dale and I shared the joyous announcement that we would be expecting baby number two in January 2016. Unfortunately, about a week after sharing the exciting news, we lost our sweet babe. Here is the announcement we made about the loss of our child…

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“Dear family, friends, and loved ones,

A few months back, after much prayer and counsel, Dale and I received a confirmation from the Lord to trust in Him in all we do. Specifically, about the number of children we would bare. After receiving this confirmation we became pregnant with our second baby and we could not have been happier. I’ve been experiencing all of your typical pregnancy symptoms until a few days ago, when I noticed I was losing a significant amount of blood. Dale, Aria, and I got to the hospital as quickly as we could and after many tests and examinations, were told I was having a “threatened miscarriage” (where your body starts the process of miscarrying without it actually doing it). Ever since we found out the news we have been praying for God’s will, no matter what the outcome. Unfortunately, last night we found out that we lost our precious little baby. Although the burden is heavy and our hearts are broken, God still remains faithful, loving, and good. Dale and I will continue to trust in the Lord and believe His will for our lives and our children’s lives is best no matter the circumstances. Though Dale and I are devastated, we’ll be okay and are so thankful for your support and friendship. I will say, I cannot wait to meet our little one again someday and find out what we would have had, how cool is that going to be?!

‘And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.’ ”

 

Dale and I still stand by these words. I know God’s will is always better than my own, and if that means now is not the time for having a new baby, then Lord, let your will be done.

I’ll admit, I’m a realist at heart, and though the stats are there and very clear, my miscarriage completely caught me by surprise. I figured, I eat healthy, I live an active lifestyle, I had a healthy pregnancy the first time around, why was this happening? What did I do wrong? And the truth is, nothing. I didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes miscarriages like this just happen and there isn’t always an explanation.

Now that it’s been a few weeks since my miscarriage, I can honestly say to those who have asked, “I am well” and I mean it. I still have my moments from time to time but I really am doing well. I trust that God made the best decision for myself, and my family and that brings me comfort. I have also been proactive in not allowing myself to get too deep into depression. I know myself well enough to know I can get to a dangerous place if I allow my emotions to completely take over. Listed below are a few steps I have taken to help me in my grieving journey. They are not for everyone, but may work for someone.

Step 1 – Grieve

Grieving is a good thing. It’s a healthy thing. When something causes a person heartache or if something tragic happens, It is very important to grieve the loss you have felt and feel it with every bit of your soul. Otherwise, it gets ignored, stored and put away to never be spoken of again…although it almost always comes out again way later, in a much more unhealthy way. I allowed myself to feel the pain in my heart. I cried. A lot. Mostly into my husband’s arms. I lied in bed for a couple of days and did nothing, however, a few days was all I allowed myself.

Step 2 – Pray

In the midst of my hardest hours all I could do was cry and pray. I asked God to bring me comfort and peace with our situation. I asked for healing and to allow this season to be used to help someone else. I believe He gave me those things.

Step 3 – Get Out

After allowing myself to grieve, I forced myself out of the house. It was the last thing I wanted, but I asked a friend to join me and she helped make the sulking in my own thoughts a lot lighter. She also continued to push me to get out more and keep me occupied.

Step 4 – Find a Hobby

One of the ways she helped keep me occupied was encourage me to find some sort of hobby to either distract me or help me to grieve in a new way. I thought that was a great idea, so I took a trip down to our local hobby lobby and decided I wanted to teach myself how to weave. Not only did the weaving help me in my thought process, but it also introduced me to a new hobby which I really enjoyed and want to continue doing.

Step 5 – Name

A few days after my miscarriage, someone reached out to us via facebook messenger and shared with me her miscarriage story. She stated how she and her husband named the baby to help bring them closure. I loved that idea because to me, calling the baby “it” kind of bothered me. It felt less meaningful as if we didn’t care about “it”. I didn’t like that. So I brought this up to Dale and he really liked the idea as well. We agreed on the name, Harbor. Harbor has many meanings, one of them which is, “a safe place” and we believe that is where Harbor is now. In the safest place Harbor can be, in the hands of Jesus.

 

Like I stated above, this is just what helped me. I hope it can help someone else, even if for a moment. And if you are currently grieving a miscarriage or have in the past, I encourage you to talk to someone about it. You’d be surprised how many women out there have come up to me after my announcement and said, “I’ve been there too.” You are not alone.

 

My Response To My Leggings Post

 

Disclaimer: My husband and I wrote this response together. I believe it was important to discuss these comments and questions together to offer as much clarity as possible.

These past few weeks have been shocking, to say the least. I have weathered the most hateful comments of my life. People have called me a countless number of names, some I can’t even repeat. Women have talked about my husband with graphic sexuality asking for favors and soliciting their bodies to him.

Furthermore, several readers claim I did this for the attention and money. I thank God He didn’t show me beforehand the reach my article would have, or else I would have never posted it. Second, I have not received any form of compensation for the interviews I have done, just to make that clear. And third, I have seen the difference between disagreement and hate. Those who have said cruel words to me, know that they have been felt. I have been hurt and brought to tears in the arms of my husband. I understand how it feels to be disliked and bullied, so if the goal was to hurt me, you’ve succeeded.

But still, I stand by my post. As I have clearly stated in the opening sentence of my article, this is my opinion for my life and I have no judgement for anyone who does not share my views. I still strongly believe God laid this message on my heart for a reason, and I don’t expect everyone to have the same convictions or views.

Of the many thousands of comments I’ve received, I thought it would be beneficial to further explain myself by speaking to a few common responses and/or questions. I have listed them below.

1. “Why are you blaming women? I should be able to wear whatever I want, it’s men who need to work on their self control. Men are going to look anyway.”

Sure, if a man wants to look, they’re going to look. But, as a Christian, it is my responsibility to be mindful of the things that may cause my brothers (and sisters) in Christ to stumble. This includes, my words, my actions, and yes, even my wardrobe.

Let’s just say a woman walked into park topless, is it solely the man’s responsibility to “not look”? No. Responsible sexuality should be led by both men and women.

When men or women act individually minded (thinking of only themselves) rather than community minded (courteous of others), we put our culture in danger. In reference to the original statement, “I should be able to wear whatever I want” I want to clarify that you can. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. And let’s not forget that 25 year old men are not the only ones with eyes.

For example, If I’m individually minded, not thinking of how my outfit may affect others in my community, I might not realize the effect I have on my neighbor’s 13 year old son entering the age of sexuality. I might not realize the effect I have on a mother’s daughter who may be struggling with the shape of her body. And I might not realize the effect I have on the bus driver who may be fighting through his own battle with sex addiction.

Sexual responsibility is for both men and women for the benefit of our community.

Yes, men must learn to have eyes for a woman’s heart, character, and face, not just her body. Women must learn that men are scientifically and biologically far more visual than a woman, and that a woman’s choice of clothing, whether they accept it or not, has a variation of effects on not just men, but young boys and girls too.

2. “Jeans are no different than leggings, where do you draw the line?”

Jeans are different than leggings. Just like a shirt without a bra is different than a shirt with a bra. Men are biologically motivated by the form of a female body. Science tells us it’s the male’s way of defining a good mate.

This attraction to form, is thought by many to be the primary driver behind the rise of breast and buttox implants in the past 20 years. To men, the clearer the woman’s form to their eyes, the more sexually stimulated they are. In my opinion, this is also one of the reasons why leggings have become so popular. Women have naturally noticed more male eyes in their direction when wearing form-fitting leggings. This has reinforced their choice to wear them more often. At the biological level, this is normal. Add cultural and community responsibility to the equation, and you have to add other factors into consideration.

Furthermore, men are also attracted to certain micro points on the woman’s body. As I mentioned earlier, a shirt without a bra is different than a shirt with a bra. Ask any honest man and he will tell you that seeing defined nipples through a women’s shirt, is more sexually stimulating than a breast covered with a bra and a shirt. But this goes even further, when a man can see the outline of a woman’s butt, or her underwear line, or even the outline of her vagina, their sexual stimulation naturally increases.

In my experience, many women wear leggings that show such details. So whether you like to believe it or not, leggings are different than most jeans and they do increase sexual stimulation. Just like a shirt, without a bra.

3. “What about bathing suits? Are those even worse?”

In my opinion, there is no bad clothing, just inappropriate times to wear them. Now, we all have the freedom to choose when and if something is inappropriate for our own lives. For me, leggings are inappropriate in public, but not inappropriate at my home or if I have shirt covering below my waist.

The same logic might go for a bathing suit. While a bathing suit may be appropriate for you in the pool or at the beach, it may not be appropriate at the office. Or leggings, might be appropriate for you in your pilates class, but might not be for running errands.

For me personally, and like many of you, I am redefining what’s appropriate as I grow older, become wiser, and understand my own personal convictions. As for you, it may be a bikini, for me it might mean a one-piece with some board shorts and a shirt.

Whatever the case may be, we must make our wearable decisions based on what’s appropriate to us, our community, and for me, what God has put upon my heart.

My husband and I plan on continuing to edit and add more responses to this post in an effort to bring clarity to where we stand on the conversation.

For now, we have disabled the comments section as it has proven to be uncivil and hurtful toward us and others. If you would like to join the conversation with respect to others, please feel free to join us on my Facebook Page here.

Why I Chose To No Longer Wear Leggings

 

DISCLAIMER: Let me just start off by saying, I am in NO WAY trying to tell people what they can and cannot wear. What you wear is entirely your own choice. I am just sharing my personal story on why I chose to no longer wear yoga pants or leggings in public. 

For the past several months, I have been having a conviction weighing heavy on my heart. I tried ignoring it for as long as I could until one day a conversation came up amongst myself and a few others (both men and women). The conversation was about leggings and how when women wear them it creates a stronger attraction for a man to look at a woman’s body and may cause them to think lustful thoughts. God really changed my heart in the midst of that conversation and instead of ignoring my convictions, I figured it was time I start listening to them and take action.

I went home later that day and shared the convictions I was having with my husband. Was it possible my wearing leggings could cause a man, other than my husband, to think lustfully about my body? I asked my husband his thoughts on the matter when he got home. I appreciated his honesty when he told me, “yeah, when I walk into a place and there are women wearing yoga pants everywhere, it’s hard to not look. I try not to, but it’s not easy.”

I instantly felt conviction come over me even stronger. Not that I wasn’t feeling it earlier, or else I wouldn’t have thought twice about the conversation, but after talking to Dale, it hit me a lot harder. If it is difficult for my husband who loves, honors, and respects me to keep his eyes focused ahead, then how much more difficult could it be for a man that may not have the same self-control? Sure, if a man wants to look, they are going to look, but why entice them? Is it possible that the thin, form-fitting yoga pants or leggings could make a married (or single) man look at a woman in a way he should only look at his wife?

And at that moment, I made a personal vow to myself and to my husband. I will no longer wear thin, form-fitting yoga pants or leggings in public. The only time I feel (for myself) it is acceptable to wear them, is if I am in the comfort of my own home or if I am wearing a shirt long enough to cover my rear end. I also want to set the best example of how to dress for my daughter. I want her to know, her value is not in the way her body looks or how she dresses, but in the character and personality God has given her. I have been following the vow I made to myself for the past couple of weeks  now and though it may be difficult to find an outfit at times, my conscience is clear and I feel I am honoring God and my husband in the way I dress.

Read My Response To This Post HERE.

Here’s A Clip From My Interview On Good Morning America

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For Press Inquiries: VeronicaPartridge223@gmail.com


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