If you follow me on social media, then this comes as no surprise to you. However, if you do not, a few weeks back, my husband Dale and I shared the joyous announcement that we would be expecting baby number two in January 2016. Unfortunately, about a week after sharing the exciting news, we lost our sweet babe. Here is the announcement we made about the loss of our child…
“Dear family, friends, and loved ones,
A few months back, after much prayer and counsel, Dale and I received a confirmation from the Lord to trust in Him in all we do. Specifically, about the number of children we would bare. After receiving this confirmation we became pregnant with our second baby and we could not have been happier. I’ve been experiencing all of your typical pregnancy symptoms until a few days ago, when I noticed I was losing a significant amount of blood. Dale, Aria, and I got to the hospital as quickly as we could and after many tests and examinations, were told I was having a “threatened miscarriage” (where your body starts the process of miscarrying without it actually doing it). Ever since we found out the news we have been praying for God’s will, no matter what the outcome. Unfortunately, last night we found out that we lost our precious little baby. Although the burden is heavy and our hearts are broken, God still remains faithful, loving, and good. Dale and I will continue to trust in the Lord and believe His will for our lives and our children’s lives is best no matter the circumstances. Though Dale and I are devastated, we’ll be okay and are so thankful for your support and friendship. I will say, I cannot wait to meet our little one again someday and find out what we would have had, how cool is that going to be?!
‘And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.’ ”
Dale and I still stand by these words. I know God’s will is always better than my own, and if that means now is not the time for having a new baby, then Lord, let your will be done.
I’ll admit, I’m a realist at heart, and though the stats are there and very clear, my miscarriage completely caught me by surprise. I figured, I eat healthy, I live an active lifestyle, I had a healthy pregnancy the first time around, why was this happening? What did I do wrong? And the truth is, nothing. I didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes miscarriages like this just happen and there isn’t always an explanation.
Now that it’s been a few weeks since my miscarriage, I can honestly say to those who have asked, “I am well” and I mean it. I still have my moments from time to time but I really am doing well. I trust that God made the best decision for myself, and my family and that brings me comfort. I have also been proactive in not allowing myself to get too deep into depression. I know myself well enough to know I can get to a dangerous place if I allow my emotions to completely take over. Listed below are a few steps I have taken to help me in my grieving journey. They are not for everyone, but may work for someone.
Step 1 – Grieve
Grieving is a good thing. It’s a healthy thing. When something causes a person heartache or if something tragic happens, It is very important to grieve the loss you have felt and feel it with every bit of your soul. Otherwise, it gets ignored, stored and put away to never be spoken of again…although it almost always comes out again way later, in a much more unhealthy way. I allowed myself to feel the pain in my heart. I cried. A lot. Mostly into my husband’s arms. I lied in bed for a couple of days and did nothing, however, a few days was all I allowed myself.
Step 2 – Pray
In the midst of my hardest hours all I could do was cry and pray. I asked God to bring me comfort and peace with our situation. I asked for healing and to allow this season to be used to help someone else. I believe He gave me those things.
Step 3 – Get Out
After allowing myself to grieve, I forced myself out of the house. It was the last thing I wanted, but I asked a friend to join me and she helped make the sulking in my own thoughts a lot lighter. She also continued to push me to get out more and keep me occupied.
Step 4 – Find a Hobby
One of the ways she helped keep me occupied was encourage me to find some sort of hobby to either distract me or help me to grieve in a new way. I thought that was a great idea, so I took a trip down to our local hobby lobby and decided I wanted to teach myself how to weave. Not only did the weaving help me in my thought process, but it also introduced me to a new hobby which I really enjoyed and want to continue doing.
Step 5 – Name
A few days after my miscarriage, someone reached out to us via facebook messenger and shared with me her miscarriage story. She stated how she and her husband named the baby to help bring them closure. I loved that idea because to me, calling the baby “it” kind of bothered me. It felt less meaningful as if we didn’t care about “it”. I didn’t like that. So I brought this up to Dale and he really liked the idea as well. We agreed on the name, Harbor. Harbor has many meanings, one of them which is, “a safe place” and we believe that is where Harbor is now. In the safest place Harbor can be, in the hands of Jesus.
Like I stated above, this is just what helped me. I hope it can help someone else, even if for a moment. And if you are currently grieving a miscarriage or have in the past, I encourage you to talk to someone about it. You’d be surprised how many women out there have come up to me after my announcement and said, “I’ve been there too.” You are not alone.